That is my new measurement for my dating standards…I think that it’s catchy and quite wise, actually. You can use it if you want to.
When I tell people that I am single, they look at me like I have 3 eyes and I know that they think that there is something totally wrong with me. There isn’t. I am going to keep on breaking up with men until I find the one that I am supposed to be with. Then I won’t. It is that simple.
Most girls know how to dress, where to go and what to say to meet the men we want to meet. That is the easy part. The part that most of us mess up on is actually sitting down and thinking about what is actually important to us for the most IMPORTANT “position” out there…our life partners. The one with whom we could totally quarantine with. Forever.
When I was younger, I think that I made the same mistake as so many others; I settled. A lot. I was so hungry for love that I stayed with anyone who loved me, or appeared to. I didn’t think about anything long term like actual compatibility, values, interest, thoughts and all of that REALLY important stuff that actually makes a difference. It sounds SO crazy for me to think of how foolish I was for not following that feeling in the pit of my stomach that was screaming at me to get out. I stayed and I didn’t listen to that inner voice. I bet you’ll never guess what happened. Exactly. As soon as shit got real, I “realized” (duh) that there is no way I can be with this person for the rest of my life. Relationship over. I was looking for the wrong things. Settled for good enough. Didn’t end well.
I know that I can’t be the only one who did this (or maybe you currently are!).
A few years ago, I actually took the time to write down what was important to me…truly important for long term compatibility. It took me a long time to compile this and I did it over several weeks. The list is simple. I have hoped that I have “written him into existence” and that when the time is right, he will come into my life and I won’t look back.
I have prayed to God so many times to make this man appear into my life…and more importantly, for me to recognize when he does.
So here’s a little bit into my world…
I want to feel safe in your arms and feel protected even when you aren’t around. You always have my back and will defend and honor me both in front of me and when you are not. I will just know that everything is going be ok, because you tell me. I completely trust you and will follow your lead.
You will be a man of God. You will pray for us, for me and for yourself. Your Christian values will dictate how we live, how we treat each other and others. Your unconditional love and strength will help us overcome any obstacle, because we are doing it together.
Your chivalry will be apparent. You will treat me with much love and respect…like your princess and you will adore me, even when I don’t deserve it.
You want to take care of me – not financially- but emotionally. You will be there to listen and stroke my hair when I am sad or if I have had a bad day. You won’t judge me or put conditions on your love for me. You will be my best friend and my love.
You won’t be clingy or jealous. You will recognize that I am yours and you are mine and no one can get in the way.
You won’t let the little things aggravate you or get in your way of having a great day. You are kind and generous and understanding to me and to others. Your thoughtfulness and your gratitude will outweigh the selfish parts within you. You aren’t sarcastic or manipulative and your words are YOUR words…you mean them with all of your heart.
You show grace and forgiveness to me and to others.
You are a great travel partner.
You don’t mind being goofy and acting like a dork in front of others because when we are together, it doesn’t matter who else is around.
Your affection and attentiveness to me doesn’t end. You love doing those little things for me because you know that they make me smile.
We are completely vulnerable and open with each other. We share our thoughts, feelings, dreams and hopes openly and without fear of judgment.
You WANT me to be successful and are genuinely happy when I do well.
Now, there’s more to it, but I want you to stop and pause (if you are single) and make your own list. When you slow down and think about these things that are TRULY important, you might come to the realization that my friends and I have. That man….that perfect man…is actually God. He meets all of those expectations, those wants and those needs…
And when He is ready to send you your “earthly” ONE, He will. When you are ready for him and he is ready for you.
In the meantime though, I still have Him…now and always.