Most times, I write my feelings better than I can say them in person. It is just the way it is. It is difficult for me to talk for long periods of time, anyway, nowadays. So it works out for the best!
Yesterday, I was dealt some news that has been difficult for me to digest. Not only do I have Pulmonary Hypertension, I also have a form of COPD. I expected the Pulmonary Hypertension, but the COPD bit was a surprise to me. It makes sense though. I feel like I can’t breathe all of the way in and I can’t breathe all of the oxygen out of my lungs- cause I can’t. The air gets trapped.It also makes my heart rate high like it is now. It just gets stuck and sits there like a little jerk. My blood clots in my lungs really did a number on me this time. I know.
So what do I do? My answer is, “Everything I can.” The pulmonary hypertension might go away. It could be the acute kind. Only time will tell. The other little surprise won’t. I just have to learn how to manage it and do thing to keep it at bay. I have every intention of doing so.
When things like this happen, we have choices, right? We can get really resentful and aggrieved. We can shake our fists in the air and scream, “Why me?” We can sink into a deep depression and sulk. We can have a pity party for ourselves and spend the rest of our lives using our illness as an excuse not to live.
Or…
We can fight. We can believe and have faith that God is going to give us one heck of a testimony for healing or strength…or both. We can NOT just give up and accept our diagnosis as a justification or a cop-out for not enjoying each beautiful moment that we have been given.
Mom and Dad, you know me. I will fight. I will not give up. I will do everything in my power to ensure that I keep these diseases at bay. I believe that I will be healed…and if I am not, it just means that God has a better plan for me…one that I just can’t see yet.
God will use me to help people. God will use me so that He can show people what miracles can happen because He is with me.
I will keep a positive attitude. I will continue to have a healthy lifestyle. I will take very good care of myself both physically and mentally. I will be present in my moments and I will continue to value those around me. I will live my life.
It won’t be easy, but I am not scared. I know that I am not alone. I believe in miracles….after all, me just being here is already proof that God is not done with me yet. He is only getting started.
Jen
Thank you so much for reading today. I hope that I made you smile and think a little bit. Be sure to check out my Podcast on iTunes, Soundcloud and Stitcher —- Jen’s 10 G’s