Almost dying so that I can live

It is hard for me to believe that one year ago, I was dying. Literally. I had massive blood clots in both of my lungs and my heart was failing. I was within days of no longer being on this earth.

I had blacked out from lack of oxygen and I got out of breath just trying to talk, yet I was in such denial of the 463636 signs that I had blood clots once again, that I chose to ignore them all. You would think that I would have learned the first time, but I almost didn’t.

“If you would have waited one more day to get here (referring to the ER), you would have died.” the doctors would tell me. “God was certainly watching over you. You must be here for a reason.” they would say.

I believe that I am and I thank God most every day for the profound blessing that I have been given – my life. My recovery has been nothing short of a miracle.

When you are confronted with your own mortality (with me it has now been 3 times – blood clots in legs and lungs x 2 and cancer), you change. Everything is different. I mean EVERYTHING. You look at each day, each lesson, each everything…well, radically different. 

You figure out what is important and what is not. What is worth getting angry over and what to let go. You appreciate more. You become more grateful. You love better. You forgive quicker. You smile more. A light goes on in the inside of you and it keeps you remembering what could have been. 

At least that it what I chose to do and become.

Life is so much better. Extraordinary, actually. It is weird to say this out loud, but sometimes I wish that more people could have the same experience this, just so they would appreciate this very short time we have on earth. Almost dying propelled me to live. Live my life as God has intended me to be. My goodness, imagine a world in which we all lived that way.

So if you wonder why I don’t work super late or on the weekends or why I “turn it off” when it is time to stop working, this is why. If it seems like we go on vacation often and do crazy adventures together, it is cause we do. I work hard and I also have found that balance where I don’t let it rule my life. 

I will end with one of my favorite quotes. Dolly Parton very wisely said, “Don’t ever get so busy making a living, that you forget to make a life.”