Random Thoughts on Marriage

It’s raining hard, the Christmas tree is up and beautifully decorated and the fire is flickering in the background. I have The XX playing in the background. The sun is just about to rise. Bella and Muffin are snuggled next to me. I am smiling. It doesn’t get much better than this.

Weird thoughts pop into my head sometimes. I tell Michael about all of the crazy shit I think about and wonder. He laughs and sometimes plays along with me the different scenarios my mind invents. Other times he just gives me a hug and tells me that he loves me while giving me that pat on my back like I am some sort of goofball or something. You know that hug…the, “sure baby, everything is gonna be ok even though I think you are a weirdo” hug. I get those a lot and it is OK. Its funny and it makes me laugh.

I am thankful I have someone to share my ideas and random thoughts with. I do love being married to my sweet sweet Michael.

Sometimes, I look at him and I can’t believe that we are married. Like how it all came together so beautifully and perfectly. My God, I didn’t think I could love another person this much. It is wonderful and beautiful.

I wondered what God had in store for me. I speculated a lot, but nothing ever really felt right. There was always something missing in my prior relationships and I knew that in my heart…but I was so determined to make everything work that I ignored the signs and red flags. Before Michael (side note, I am going to call this time period, BM but it doesn’t mean “bowel movement”, so get your mind somewhere else!), my relationships were good, but they were never really great. BM, I didn’t know what great was. I didn’t think that I was capable of having this type of love.

I got an instant family when I married him. I inherited 2 really great step kids too that I have grown to love. That is also a really neat feeling for me because, to be honest, I had never really thought of any other person’s kids as potentially part of my family. I absolutely do feel that way about these kiddos. When we are together, I finally feel what I believe it should feel like. And that, is awesome.

I am very excited about my walk forward in life with my partner. It is extraordinary. I am in such a different part of my life…finally at a point where I actually figured out what it all truly means and have run to it all with very open arms. My heart is ready to be everything he needs me to be. I am not disillusioned with the thought that we are going to live this fairy tale life. I know that love is a choice and that I choose to love him with all of my heart for as long as I am alive. I look forward to that.

I lovingly anticipate deliberately growing together as one. It makes me smile when I think about the lives that we are building together. I know that they won’t all be easy. They certainly won’t be perfect. Some will be messy. What I do know is that I promise to love my husband during all of these times. I promise to love him fiercely through all of his forms and to have his back always.